I 31F am getting married to my fiancé 36M this fall. We have been together for about four years. He has a son who is 18 from a previous relationship, I met him when he was 14.

We are friendly but not close. He calls me by my first name and we have a polite relationship, but I am not a second mom to him or anything like that. My dad passed away when I was 22.

We were extremely close and losing him was really hard on me. Ever since I got engaged, I knew I either wanted to walk myself down the aisle or have my uncle do it, who has been like a second father to me. A few weeks ago, my fiancé brought up the idea of his son walking me down the aisle.

He said it would be symbolic, a way of showing that we are officially becoming one family, and that it would mean a lot to his son. I was honestly shocked because it had never crossed my mind. I told him right away that I was not comfortable with that, it felt forced and weird to me.

I respect his son, but it would not feel genuine to have him in a role that meant so much to me and was connected to my dad. Apparently he had already mentioned the idea to his son and got his hopes up. When I said no, it hurt his feelings. My fiancé told me I should reconsider for the sake of blending the family. I told him I was sorry his son felt hurt but that it was unfair to expect me to rewrite such a personal moment for appearances. We ended up arguing, and I will admit, I said something too harsh. I said I was not going to have someone who is basically a placeholder for my dad walk me down the aisle. I immediately regretted the wording but the damage was done. Now my fiancé’s family is furious with me. His son is not speaking to me. My fiancé thinks I should apologize and reconsider. My mom said she understands my feelings but that I could have said it more gently

I feel like I am being pressured to fake a perfect family dynamic for everyone else’s comfort and it feels so wrong. But I also feel awful for hurting his son’s feelings..

AITAH for how I handled this?