I (29M) recently broke up with my girlfriend (27F) after a year of being together, and some people in her life are saying I overreacted.
About five months ago, she came to my place after a night out with her friends. She looked really upset and ended up admitting that she made out with another guy at the bar.
When I asked why, she said her friends were pressuring her to loosen up and have fun, and she didn’t want to look like the “boring” one in the group. She said she didn’t actually want to do it, and she apologized for crossing the line.
I was angry not just about what she did, but more so because she didn’t stand her ground. Still, since she came clean and seemed remorseful, I decided to give her another chance. We had a serious talk, and she agreed to stop going out drinking with those friends, especially since they kept encouraging her to do things she wasn’t comfortable with.
Fast forward to last week she went out with them again. She didn’t even tell me beforehand. I only found out because she texted me later saying she was staying in a cabin for the day in a nearby town and would be back that night. I was already frustrated by the secrecy, and knowing who she was with just made it worse. When she got back the next day, I asked her what happened. She insisted it was just a casual trip for her mental health, nothing more.
But something felt off, and I kept pressing. After a few days of dodging the truth, she finally admitted that she’d been there with one of the girls and the girl’s husband. Turns out, this friend had been pressuring her for weeks to join them in a threesome. My ex claimed she eventually gave in out of guilt and peer pressure but swore that nothing “fully” happened that they didn’t actually have sex.
At that point, I told her we were done. I also told her that she seriously needs to work through whatever is making her feel obligated to give in to people just to keep them happy, especially at the cost of her own values and our relationship. She started crying and told me I was blaming her for something she didn’t really choose.
I disagreed. I told her: she chose to go to that cabin. She chose to keep hanging out with people who repeatedly put her in compromising situations. No one forced her. No one made her do anything with a gun to her head. Those were her choices.
Later, her brother messaged me and said I was being too cold that I should be helping her grow through this instead of cutting her off. But I don’t understand why I’m expected to stay in a relationship where I’m constantly being betrayed because she “can’t say no.” I’m supposed to just accept cheating because she’s easily manipulated?
So, am I the asshole for walking away?