Have to start by saying I’m from a strictly cultural “respect your elders” kind of family. We were a party of 6 at a diner for breakfast, I (28F) was planning to pay for all of our food. But my sister’s fiancé, we’ll call him Ben, ended up paying the tab. We all LOVE Ben btw, but he hasn’t lived in America very long and his English and overall etiquette is okay but could use some refining; even my dad mentioned this to him.

Anyway, there was one person working the floor, she was our greeter and hostess for a second and then a few moments later she was our full time server. She was delightful, made jokes and laughed at ours, was very attentive, apologized when she forgot small things and got it for us right away (my family is a handful at restaurants but this didn’t faze her one bit). She did all this while the restaurant was getting busier and she had more tables to take care of.

Ben and my mom needed more creamer for their coffee/tea. We couldn’t find our waitress so, before I could advise him otherwise, Ben went behind the counter to get it himself, albeit there’s no sign to say “Employees only beyond this point” but it was a very clear no-go zone. The server came out a yelled at him that he’s not allowed back here for safety reasons since he doesn’t have non-slip shoes.

But her attitude made Ben and my dad turn on her, now she’s the enemy and doesn’t deserve a tip on our $150+ tab. After my family went to the car I stayed behind to buy a small side and added the tip for her separately, when I got to the car my dad put his hand in my face like I was a child and said I had BETTER NOT have gone back to tip her, I lied and said I didn’t.

AITAH for going behind their back and tipping the waitress?