Hi Reddit, I (32F) am in a bit of a unique situation and could use some outside perspective.

My husband (35M) and I have been married for five years. Prior to our marriage, he was in a long-term relationship with his ex-husband, Mark (36M). They split amicably and have remained close friends. Mark and his new husband, Alex (34M), have been trying to start a family but faced several challenges with surrogacy.

Given our close relationship, I offered to be their surrogate. I carried their baby, and everything went smoothly. The baby, Lily, is now six months old, and Mark and Alex are overjoyed.

Here’s where the issue arises: my mother (60F) has been overly involved. During my pregnancy, she was supportive, which I appreciated. However, since Lily’s birth, she’s been acting as though she’s Lily’s grandmother

. She refers to herself as “Grandma,” posts pictures of Lily on social media with captions like “My precious granddaughter,” and even tries to make parenting decisions, like suggesting feeding schedules and sleep routines.

I’ve tried to gently remind her that while I carried Lily, I’m not her mother, and thus, my mom isn’t her grandmother. But she becomes defensive, saying things like, “Blood is thicker than water,” and “You gave birth to her; that makes her family.”

I recently had a more direct conversation with her, emphasizing that while I understand her attachment, it’s important to respect the boundaries of Lily’s actual parents, Mark and Alex. She was hurt and accused me of being ungrateful and denying her the joy of being a grandmother.

Now, I’m torn. I never intended to hurt my mom, but I also want to respect the family unit that Mark and Alex are building. AITA for setting these boundaries with my mom?