Let me get this out of the way. I (33M) am glad my mother is dead. I am so fucking glad she’s dead. Hearing she was finally gone put me in the best mood. I feel zero grief. Zero sadness. Zero regret about not seeing her in 15 years. It was one of the better days of my life knowing I was guaranteed to never ever see or hear from her again.

That sounds shocking and I get it. But she was abusive to all of us. I’m the oldest of five. My siblings are 31, 30, 29 and 27. Our father walked out when I was 5 and mom was pregnant with the youngest.

From that point on she turned into a monster. She neglected us on a regular basis. One of her favorite forms of punishment for existing was to deny us food. Being the most like our father I was treated the worst. Where she’d deny them for a day at most, she’d deny me food for multiple days at a time.

There were times she told me I could eat shit if I wanted to eat so bad. When she’d beat us I always got it hardest and she left scars when she attacked me.

There were a number of men she let into our lives and she let some of them molest me. I think she got some sick joy out of seeing me pay because she couldn’t punish our father for leaving. My siblings were never molested. They like to ignore our mother’s role in that and only blamed her boyfriends. Even knowing she watched sometimes they will defend her.

They have always judged me for walking away from her. For ending all contact and refusing to have a relationship with that woman. We argued about it before. None of us have ever been close but they like to gang up on me and pretend they’re better than me because they stood by our mother even after everything. It drove me crazy and made me keep them at a distance. I told them I did not care if they stayed near our mother and kept their relationship with her but they would not force that on me.

This all turned into a bigger shitshow when she got sick two years ago. They decided they’d take care of her until she passed and tried to convince me to do my part. I told them I would never help that woman and I owed her nothing. They argued she’s our mother but I shut that shit down. I refused to be in contact with them for a while. They attempted to get my wife to convince me to help and she left them with no doubt of how much she stood by me.

Our mother died two days ago. Now my siblings want to to help pay for her funeral and they are coming for me for saying no. They act like I owe them and our mother this. They brought up the fact I wouldn’t help care for her at the end of her life again. They said that meant I owed something. That I could cover the cost to bury her. I made it perfectly clear that it will never happen and I warned them I won’t attend. They told me I needed to and that I need to bring my kids. That her only grandkids should be there. I shut that shit down and told them never ever ever. Which brought them back to the money and the lack of help. I stopped replying.

I think no contact is in our future. I tried to give them time, to wait until they got out from under mom, but I don’t know if that’s enough either. At their ages you would think they’d have more understanding but no.

Still, they are my siblings and had their own experiences and didn’t hate the woman like me. And maybe I’m an ass for not helping for their sakes. AITA?