My dad and his ex-wife “Bella” divorced two years ago. I (16m) was dad’s only kid from before. They had three kids together but only two are living. One of my half siblings was stillborn. Bella never adopted me, though she wanted to and I didn’t, and I never called her my mom or anything so she never got any custody or visitation with me in the divorce and I don’t have a relationship with her anymore.

I didn’t want one and my dad has supported my choice. But my grandmother, dad’s mom, does not support it. She has encouraged me to go back to being Bella’s baby because she said she loved me like a mom should and was a better mom than my mom could ever be.

Some background stuff would be good here. My grandparents never liked my mom. My grandmother was worst of all. Mom was a foster kid with a rough background and she didn’t have the easiest life ever. It ended up breaking up my parents when I was 4 or 5 years old.

My dad admits even today that it was his biggest regret because he always loved my mom. My grandfather softened to mom after the divorce and especially after she died when I was 6. My grandmother never softened and she actually set my dad and Bella up. They got married when I was 7. And my grandmother and Bella really tried to make me warm up to Bella and start calling her mom.

I know Bella did actually love me. It wasn’t just to make others happy. I think she saw me as hers because she quit her job when she married dad and tried to be a stay at home mom. It was easier for her when my half siblings were born because I never liked her that much. I didn’t want another mom and I still don’t appreciate that she was influenced by my grandmother so much. My dad never let her adopt me and that caused problems in their marriage. She knew my dad still loved my mom so that was another strain. Then the fact I always kept her at a distance and didn’t even warm up to her when my half sibling was stillborn, it all got too much for he and she and my dad divorced.

I don’t miss having her around. I’d say my life got better after the divorce. I no longer had to stop myself from rolling my eyes when she’d call herself my mom and I didn’t have to make myself be nice to her. She wasn’t in the house and I didn’t have to see her so I didn’t. She tried to get shared custody and even tried to talk to me since the divorce but I ignore her. I blocked her number on my phone and I made my social media private so she can’t see it or friend me.

My grandmother hates it. She told me that Bella came from a good family and had so much more to offer than my mom ever could have and if she was “any sort of person at all” to quote my mom, my grandmother believes my mom would have wanted me to have better than her and my grandmother has said that to my face. My dad kicked her out for saying it.

Dad and I found out the Saturday before Mother’s Day that my grandmother had invited Bella to the Mother’s Day hangout. Dad wanted to see the kids so he went but I didn’t and I got a lot of shit for it. Bella was apparently really upset and felt like I could have at least accepted being around her when everyone else was there. My grandmother came over Monday afternoon when my dad was working and she told me I should not be avoiding the woman who’s been my mom for most of my life. She told me I’d regret it one day and to imagine if she died like mom did. I told her I wouldn’t care. I told my grandmother I don’t miss Bella and I like my life better without her in it.

She was still yelling at me when dad came home and he kicked her out. Then for most of yesterday my grandmother was giving dad shit about my choices. AITA?