Recently, I (41M) organized a birthday party for my daughter, Amber, who turned 12. She’s the light of my life. Her mother and I are divorced, and it was my turn to host the “main” big party for the year. I made plans to have Amber and her friends go to an arcade and then have a sleepover at my house over the weekend.

Before the party, I asked Amber to make a list of a couple of friends she wanted to invite to the celebration, so I could know how many people would be there and who.

Now, for some context, there’s this girl named Ruby in a few of Amber’s classes. I have met Ruby before, as she came to my house once when Amber invited her over just a month ago. Apparently, Ruby isn’t very well off, and because of this Amber, as kind as she is, wanted to give Ruby some opportunities to have fun.

When Ruby was at my house, she was incredibly impolite, which isn’t unusual, but along with that, she had some major anger issues. While playing video games with my daughter, Ruby threw one of our controllers, and it broke. It wasn’t a cheap controller either. At the time, I was upset, but didn’t show my anger until Ruby left.

Now, when presented with Ruby being on this list of kids to go to the party, I politely told Amber that Ruby won’t be allowed to attend. My daughter look disappointed, but she didn’t question me about it.

When the actual party happened, it seemed like the girls had an absolute blast, and it went really well. I was so happy for my daughter – she’s the best thing in my life. But an issue came up when on Friday, after coming home from school, Amber looked upset and told me that Ruby had heard Amber talking about the party and made a fit that she wasn’t invited. Amber didn’t know what to say, and Ruby said that their friendship was over (although I bet that’s just overdramatic preteen talk).

I feel bad for not letting Ruby come over, especially because Amber said that Ruby said she had never been invited to a party before, and Ruby likely didn’t get to go out much. However, I didn’t want to risk my property being damaged. And I’m not exactly rich, either. I work 12 hours a day to afford the small home I live in, and to support my daughter part-time. Just losing the controller, as small as it is, was a pretty big deal.

So…AITAH for not letting Ruby join the party? (PS. Apologies for any errors on my part. I only use reddit for an occasional browsing when I want to learn. This is my first time making a post)

EDIT: Thank you all for your input! It’s my week off from having my daughter, but next week I’ll have a chat with her about Ruby. I feel bad that I likely hurt the twos friendship for a while, but I’ll let Amber know why I didn’t let Ruby come over. I encouraged Amber to let Ruby know why she wasn’t invited and that if Ruby apologizes for breaking the controller/understands her mistake, I am open to letting her stay over again (with supervision). I want Ruby to have a good friend, as I know she doesn’t have many.