Ok so I (17m) have lived with foster carers A (38f) and B (40M) for 11 years.

The reason I was put into foster care is because of the death of my younger baby sister (14 months) when I was 4. To put it lightly, it wasn’t exactly natural causes, and was caused by a bio parent (if you get what im tryna say). And I can vividly remember everything around those circumstances, think about it everyday and mourn the loss of my sister

The thing is, this has caused a rather intense reaction to young children – I can’t be around kids under the age of 4 (approximately) without having panic attacks, flashbacks or screaming fits. I’ve tried to get professional help but counsellors say they aren’t trained enough to help me and therapists have extremely long waiting lists.

Neither social services or my carers are willing to pay for private therapy, and I can’t afford it on my part time job. The issue was also ignored/mocked by my family for a while since they didn’t know the exact circumstances of me going into care, so for years they would trigger me on purpose because they thought it was funny. I’ve tried building up a tolerance by watching YouTube videos but it isn’t much help, although I am almost completely functional in public now (i wasnt until about january this year).

In the last few years, the siblings of both A and B have had babies. 2 to each sibling (6 babies total), all under the age of 4 currently (the oldest being 3). I can’t see these children, so usually end up in a backroom somewhere or on the streets walking circles when we go to see the kids/they come to us

A and A’s mum have decided that since I’m nearly an adult now it’s time for me to “grow up and fix myself” because its awkward to have a kid that cant see the babies. So over the last two years they’ve begun lying to me. They would take me out, saying we’re going one place, then go to the baby’s house. Theyd then get angry when I’d have panic attacks. Every Christmas they’ll say the babies aren’t coming round, then shove the babies in my face and get angry when I remove myself from the room, saying im ruining Christmas. We’ll go to other relatives houses and then pretend they told me all along that the babies were going to be there. I don’t mind going as much, it’s just the fact they won’t tell me means I’m usually unprepared: for example, one winter I ended up going for a walk in below zero temperatures in a tshirt because I was told we were going to my uncle’s (which has rooms I can go in to avoid babies) but we ended up at A’s brothers (which doesn’t have rooms I can go in). I also got in trouble that time for showing A up in front of extended family for my reaction to the babies (aka three panic attacks back to back which is why i then spent hours in the cold). They also didn’t tell me another relative was pregnant until she had the baby and we were going to see it – they told me on the car journey to the hospital.

I found out today that all this has been part of a plan to secretly try “fix my phobia” because I’m “getting too old for being scared of babies”. I’ve also been told I’m being pathetic, overreacting, being offensive and disturbing the mothers/babies

I got mad. It’s not my fault I witnessed the tragedy of my sisters death when I was so young, and lying to me about it only causes me more issues. A said im being an ah. So, AITAH?

Edit: thank you to everyone who’s commented. I wasn’t expecting such a response to be honest and it made me cry a bit because sometimes I feel like im going mad.

I will book an appointment with a GP soon. I’m getting a new social worker and an advocate soon so will talk to them too.

I have a job already, but the pay is very minimal so I’m trying to get a couple more for over the summer (but finding jobs is quite difficult). I am saving to try get out. If it gets far worse than this I have a friend who will let me stay at hers, but her place is small so it’s not the best longterm.

I’m not sure what will happen from here. Updates will probably be slow, if any

Edit 2: I also feel quite guilty going against my carers because it feels like I owe them. But there’s other stuff that’s happened too in the last year that could be said to be worse than this so really it does need reporting. However A denies all constantly and doesn’t believe she’s ever in the wrong. She’s never apologised for anything. Not really sure how she’d react to me reporting this