I (25m) had a fight with my mom a couple of weeks ago and our relationship has been strained ever since. She feels like I came at her out of nowhere and overreacted to a gift at our baby shower. But I had corrected her prior to the baby shower and she didn’t take it in.

My issue with mom started months ago when my wife and I told her we’d both take time off after our child comes. And we’d both do trial periods of being a SAH parent to see which one it worked better for. My wife will take the first month off as she’ll be recovering and I’ll take the second month off. Luckily we both work for companies where we can do this.

My mom acted like it was the craziest thing in the world. She asked me what I’d even do with a month off and I told her I’d look after my child. She commented that I’d be waiting for my wife to get home mostly or finding childcare while I looked for something to do.

She could not get her head around the fact I would be doing what a typical stay at home mom does. Then when she did get it, she made a comment a few weeks after that she honestly felt like my wife should do it and could give no reason. She told me I needed to work and provide. My wife said she could do that.

I told mom I didn’t want to be like my dad who was the kind of dad we saw occasionally because he was always working and who never invested in being involved in our lives. He was a more typical provider who did nothing else.

Mom made another comment when my wife and I were discussing baby essentials and nursery themes. She told me those things are for the mom to decide. My wife pointed out the baby is mine too and mom said how the mother spends the most time with the baby. Which also told me right away that she didn’t expect me to be be able to be the stay at home parent or she didn’t think I could want to or enjoy it even. It felt very dismissive of my role. And I told her she could do with being more supportive of me as a new dad.

Then the baby shower came and this is where I felt it the worst. We had a registry and on the registry we had a baby carrier set that came with two carriers that were different sizes. This was perfect for us because there’s a height and build difference between my wife and myself and the smaller one was not suited for someone of my size and build. And the other didn’t work super great for my wife. The one we chose was the only option that’d work for us both from the store we used.

My mom saw this and instead of buying from the registry she decided she would just get the smaller one on it’s own. When my wife was opening the gifts at the shower mom told my wife she felt the two pack was pointless and all she would need is one. My wife said it was for both of us and mom told her she was the only one who’d need it.

At this point I was more upset and I confronted my mom about her attitude toward me as a dad after the shower. I asked her why she kept undermining me as a new dad. I told her she was making it seem like I didn’t matter at all in the equation and I told her she of all people should support me. I said I didn’t want to be like dad who has no relationship with any of his kids. I told her I want to be there. To spend time with my kids, show them love and take them places and change dirty diapers and feed them when they’re hungry. I told her I could very well be the stay at home dad and a carrier I can wear so I can carry the baby easily and safely was important. And that was why we picked out what we had on our registry. I told her she dismissed me again by only getting the size that works for my wife.

My mom told me to calm down and stop being such a drama queen. She said I was acting like she had committed some great crime when all she was doing was being practical and realistic. She accused me of coming at her with this from nowhere and when I mentioned past conversations she told me she didn’t remember or they didn’t count. She said I should have far more respect for her than I was showing.

It left me feeling so frustrated and we only spoke one since and she was cold and standoffish with me. So I know she expects an apology. AITA though?