I (17M) have an older brother Shane (21M) who’s disabled and will never be able to live independently. My parents knew from birth that Shane was physically disabled but it was when he was around 3 they realized he was on the autism spectrum too.

Then by the time I was born he was also diagnosed with an intellectual disability. All three of them together means he has a lot of care needs. Those needs mean he needs help to get in and out of his wheelchair and his bed, to wash himself and brush his teeth, to eat and drink, to have anything in his and and he’s non-verbal so he doesn’t have the communication skills at all to express what he needs with words.

I was primarily raised by other family members until I was 5. I spent those first five years moving from relative to relative and “visited” my parents and Shane.

Once I was 5 my parents moved me in and started teaching me all about taking care of Shane. They had me picking up after him, learning to bathe and feed him and all kinds of things.

They told me how important I was to our family and how they knew Shane needed me before they even had me. I was 8 when my parents admitted they knew he’d need a sibling to look after him when they died and they were so glad they had me so they never had to worry about it.

My life has revolved around this. And it has also limited my life. There were things I just never got to do because my parents deemed them too high risk for me. So I don’t know how to swim, I don’t get to hang out with friends really ever, I only have friend birthday parties and they never rented a bounce house or got me a trampoline when I was younger. All play with cousins was expected to be gentle and have no risk of causing me harm. Their biggest fear isn’t that I’d die because they’d miss me but because of Shane.

My education has suffered a lot because of it. I’m graduating next year and I already know my grades won’t be anywhere close to good. But I’ll pass. Which is something at least.

My extended family doesn’t want to help me have a life and I feel brushed off whenever I ask them for help. My parents only care about me as Shane’s future guardian and not as their son too. Now that I’m older and I feel like I never really got to be a kid, I’m so resentful and I’m angry at my parents for putting me in the position I’m in.

Lately I’ve been really bitter in interactions with my parents. They’ve called me out on it and I finally told them exactly how I feel. I admitted to being resentful and angry that they had me to be my brother’s keeper. They got mad at me for having any problem with it. They think I should love Shane enough to do all this stuff willingly. My extended family are acting colder since I told my parents too so I know the family I’ve seen lately (paternal grandma, paternal aunt and uncle, maternal cousin of my mom) are on my parents side. Although I knew that when nobody cared to help me.

AITA though?