Me (21F) and him (25M) had been dating for 10 months. Things started great but eventually got rocky, mostly due to communication issues on his side. Despite that, I genuinely cared for him and wanted to try and see where the relationship could go.

Recently, we started playing Valorant together. I’ve been playing for years and he was new to it, so it became something we were bonding over.

During one match, we were spectating a player who had a pink crosshair.

I casually said, “Oh, that’s probably a girl playing.” Just a simple observation, nothing serious. But when the player whiffed and died, my boyfriend laughed and said, “Oh, that’s definitely a girl.”

It immediately rubbed me the wrong way. He had never made jokes like that before. I didn’t laugh, but I also didn’t say anything yet.

Later, in another game, I clutched a round. He told the team, “She’s not just good at games, she’s also a model.” (I’m not a model, he just meant I’m good-looking.) Then when I didn’t clutch the next round, he said, “Guess she should stick to modeling hahaha.”

At that point, I calmly told him I didn’t find the jokes funny. I said they made me uncomfortable and that, honestly, they felt sexist. I told him he should apologize.

He got pissed. He started defending himself, saying he didn’t mean anything by it and that it was just a joke. I told him again that what he said wasn’t okay, and that I just wanted a simple apology for how it made me feel.

And that’s when he snapped and said, “Shut the fuck up.”

Not playfully. Not sarcastically. It was pure anger. He was yelling. He told me he doesn’t have to apologize for anything if he doesn’t want to, and that I was making it into a bigger deal than it was.

It shattered something in me. Not just because of what he said, but because of who he was in that moment. He knows I’m a feminist. I talk openly and often about women’s rights. We’ve had respectful conversations before, and he always positioned himself as someone who listened and learned from me. He even told me he was glad I challenged him and that he respected how thoughtful I was.

He had never made a sexist joke to me before, let alone speak to me like that. He always valued respectful communication, even when we disagreed. So for him to turn around and say that to me, like that, I was honestly shocked.

And it triggered something even deeper. My ex used to make sexist jokes in front of Discord guys to impress them. He made me feel small and humiliated. When this happened, my body just kind of… froze. It felt like it was happening again. Emotional shock.

But I didn’t stay silent. I asked him, “Do you seriously think it’s okay to speak to your girlfriend like that?”

His response?
“I said what I fucking said.”

That was it for me. I left the call. I sat alone for an hour, thinking about everything. Then I messaged him and told him he crossed a line I couldn’t overlook and that I was ending things.

He replied with a single word: “Okay.”

No apology. No regret. Nothing.

So I deleted everything. All our messages. My social media. Our history. Not out of revenge or pettiness, but because I didn’t want to carry a single trace of someone who could speak to me like that and mean it.

Right now I feel numb but clear. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive him. And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive anyone who treats me like that again. I’ve always been the type of person to go back and forth, doubt myself, give chances, soften the truth. But this time, I don’t feel anything left to give.

The relationship was serious to me. I didn’t mind the ups and downs. But I will not tolerate being disrespected. I don’t think I overreacted. I asked for basic respect and he gave me cruelty.

Still, part of me is scared that maybe I ended it too fast. Maybe I should’ve let things cool down and talked again later. Maybe I should’ve given him another chance to reflect.

So, AITA for breaking up with him on the spot after he told me to shut up when I asked for an apology?