My brother Vince (40s) is the father to two daughters. Kya (19) and Lily (7). Kya has lived with my family for more than a year now and allowing her to live with us has stained the relationship with my brother to a breaking point and created tension within my wider family.

Kya and Lily’s mom Beth died just after giving birth to Lily. During Beth’s pregnancy with Lily she was diagnosed with a heart condition that weakened her. There were plans to deliver Lily early so that she and Beth had the best chance. Vince asked Beth to wait longer so that Lily had a better chance. Kya and my parents were around to hear this discussion and when Beth died hours after Lily was born Kya blamed Vince.

And then when Vince remarried within a year of Beth’s death and when his new wife, Michelle (40s), adopted Lily it destroyed any relationship Kya had left with her Vince.

Vince had promised Beth that he would make sure Lily knew who she was always if something happened. But after Michelle adopted Lily, they began talking like Michelle was her biological mother. Michelle would tell Lily even as a young toddler that the day she was born was the best day of her life, or how happy she and Vince were when they had Lily. There are people who were under the assumption that Kya’s mom died and Lily was Michelle’s biological child.

Kya fought a lot with Vince and Michelle. She told her dad she hated him and that he betrayed her mom. She blamed him for her mom’s death, shamed him for erasing and replacing Beth with Michelle and giving her mom’s daughter to Michelle. She wished he’d been the one to die instead of her mom. She told Michelle she hoped Beth haunted her every day for stealing Lily. They punished her a lot because they didn’t want Lily to hear and figure out what was going on. She was not allowed to talk about Beth to Lily and they stopped the girls spending time together because they knew Kya would tell Lily the truth.

I was always super close to Kya and was there for her when most of our wider family were more in support of Vince and Michelle and Lily. I got some shit for that because I was reminded that Vince lost his wife and was left with two girls to raise and that Michelle was just trying to love Lily and give her a mom and was being tormented by a teenager because of it. But I could see Kya’s side and I still think Vince has handled this all so badly. They might all argue that this is better for Lily but she’ll have to know some day and I have to imagine there could very well be a lot of pain for her when she realizes the truth. I think there’s a very real chance Lily and Kya will never be capable of being close.

When Kya turned 18 she asked if she could live with me and my husband and our kids. We said yes. I was happy to have her come stay and I knew it was better than her being on her own. But as I mentioned this was not something Vince approved of and he wanted me to kick Kya out. I refused. We didn’t speak for months and when he heard from another one of our siblings that Kya was still with me, he reached back out and told me I had chosen Kya over him, my own brother. He sent me a text exchange between him and Kya where she told him that his happiness wasn’t deserved and he should have stayed single forever after what he did to her mom. He told me that was what I was supporting and I told him I wasn’t kicking Kya out and to quit trying.

My parents told me I could help Kya find somewhere else and not divide the family like this. I asked how they could punish their own granddaughter after everything. They said Vince only wanted the best chance for Lily and that Kya has been grossly unfair about this whole thing. They told me I was being unfair to Vince and to our family and I’m helping to divide us.

AITA?