I’m 43, my wife is 41. We’ve been together for 11 years, married for 8. Our relationship has always been built on trust, and up until recently, I never questioned that.

A couple of years ago, my wife randomly bumped into her ex-boyfriend—someone she lived with before we met. They dated for a while, but even before that they were part of the same tight-knit friend group.

According to her, they just caught up, exchanged some stories, and went on their way. But that wasn’t the end of it. Over time, they began running into each other more often—grabbing coffee or chatting at a local diner. Nothing “scheduled” per se, just casual encounters that started to add up. I told her—calmly but clearly—that I wasn’t super comfortable with it.

And while she acknowledged it, she kept meeting up with him. Now, here’s where things start to shift. About two weeks ago, she tells me she’s meeting some old friends, including him. She ends up hanging out with them until 10pm—that’s five hours after she got off work. She knew I wasn’t thrilled about this. She’s aware that spending extended alone time with an ex—especially one she used to live with—can look and feel wrong. But I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

She doesn’t have a deep bench of friends, and I get that she’s grieving the loss of a social circle that was once a big part of her life. But yesterday was something else entirely. They met up again after work. She texted me once—three hours after meeting him—just to say she was fine. I didn’t hear anything else from her. I tried to give her space and not be the “jealous husband,” but the silence grew louder and louder.

Eventually, I gave up waiting and went to bed. At 12:45 AM, I finally get a text: “Lost track of time.

Gonna just go to work from here.” Excuse me? She stayed at his place until almost 1 in the morning—and apparently decided not to come home at all? She slept over? I don’t know the details—she hasn’t filled them in—but what kind of married woman does that? What kind of partner thinks that’s acceptable? Yes, I trust her.

She’s never cheated. She’s never given me solid reason to believe she would. But this? This feels like gaslighting, or at best, willful ignorance of how her actions impact her husband.

Am I supposed to just be cool with this? Is trust supposed to mean giving her a blank check to reconnect with her ex until the middle of the night and crash at his place?

I’m furious—not just at the situation, but at the emotional position I’ve been put in. I feel like I’m being forced to either be the “insecure husband” or the doormat who tolerates behavior that would raise red flags in any normal relationship.

I want to be the kind of partner who trusts. But I also want to be respected. AITA for drawing a line here and saying, “This is not okay”?