I (28F) got married last year. A bit of background: my biological dad married an abusive woman when I was 12 and chose her over me and my sibling. After that, he became emotionally distant and was never really there for us. Then, when I was 18, my mom passed away after a long battle with mental illness and alcoholism. So, by early adulthood, I’d lost both of my parents in very painful ways.

When I was 19, I met a couple, let’s call them Megan and Jeff, who really stepped up for me emotionally. They became a huge source of support and stability in my life. At one point, Megan even said they often tell people they “kind of adopted me.”

They’ve celebrated milestones with me, helped me through hard times, and have called themselves honorary grandparents to my two kids. I’ve always thought of them as my chosen family—like second parents, even if it wasn’t official.

They have a biological daughter who’s a few years younger than me. She’s expressed some anxiety about her dad’s health and has made some uncomfortable comments around me over the years—like, “I can’t wait to have my own kids so my parents can just be grandparents.” I understand where she’s coming from, but those comments made me feel a little out of place, like maybe I was taking up space that wasn’t really mine.

Over time, Megan and Jeff began to soften their language, saying I was more of a “friend” rather than calling me a daughter. It seemed like they were trying not to upset their daughter, which I do understand. But it also made things feel increasingly uncertain and painful on my end. Like I was being slowly re-categorized into something less important, even though nothing had changed about how deeply they were involved in my life.

When I was planning my wedding, I asked Jeff if he would walk me down the aisle. My biological dad is still alive, but he is not in my life at all, and Jeff has been a far more meaningful figure in my life. Jeff actually cried when I asked him and said yes. But on the day of the wedding, just before we walked out together, Jeff quietly told me that while he was honored to be there, he “couldn’t call me his daughter.”

I kept a poker face in the moment, but the comment really stuck with me. It hurt more than I expected. Even now, it still stings. I know Jeff and Megan still care about me. Jeff even calls walking me down the aisle as one of the greatest honors of his life, and they even have a picture of me and my kids up in their home. They’ve continued to be supportive, and I don’t think he meant to cause harm. But it felt like a second rejection in my life. Like just when I thought I had a real parental figure again, I was reminded of the boundary.

So… AITA for being hurt? I genuinely understand where Jeff and Megan are coming from. I know their daughter’s feelings are valid too. But I can’t help but feel like the “grey area” they put me in has been quietly painful. And that moment, right before one of the most important events of my life, just brought all of that to the surface.

And as a disclaimer, I have not talked to them at all about how any of this has made me feel. I’ve just kept it to myself besides talking about it with my husband.

Edit: Just to be clear, I do NOT plan to stop or limit contact with them or anything. It’s more just feelings I’m working through since they used to say that they kind of adopted me and stuff.