I (35F) have three sons — my oldest just turned 12, and we had a small birthday party for him with family and a few close friends. Everything went absolutely fantastic, except now I’m being accused of being petty and “splitting the family.”

Here’s the context: my son and my younger sister (29F) have had a bad relationship going on for some time now. It started sometime last year when she made some really hurtful comments about him being “too sensitive” and “entitled” when he was going through a hard time emotionally (his dad and I divorced, and it really hit him hard). She never apologized, though — she just turned around and said we were “raising a brat.”.

Since then, my son has asked not to see her. He avoids her at family events, and anytime she’s around, he becomes really withdrawn. I’ve tried to mediate, but she refuses to take any accountability. She insists that she’s just “being honest” and that I’m “coddling him.”

So when we were planning his birthday, he himself asked me not to invite her. And to be honest? I respected that. It’s his birthday. I did not want there to be drama, and I did not want him to feel uncomfortable in his own home on his birthday. So I kept her off the guest list.

Now she’s furious. She found out through our mom (of course), and she texted me saying I’m “turning my own family against her” and “letting a child control adult decisions.” She says I’m setting a dangerous precedent by allowing a kid to “ban” people from family events.

But to me, this was no trivial exclusion. This was a matter of standing up for my child’s emotional well-being on his birthday. He didn’t wish for her presence, and I wasn’t going to insist he spend the day with someone who had injured him and never once apologized.

Our mother feels that I ought to have invited her anyway, “to maintain peace.” But is my son’s peace worth less on his birthday?

So… AITA for not inviting my sister?