My dad and stepmother got married when I was 9 and my stepbrother was 11. I was a child who lost my mom and my stepbrother was a child of divorce. So I was always at their house while my stepbrother divided his time between his parents.

When my stepmother came into my life she was looking to take the role of a mother figure. I did not see her in that way. I accepted her making my dad happy.

But to me the mother figures were my mom who died and my two grandma’s. My dad never tried to take on a father figure role for my stepbrother because his dad was alive and that relationship was allowed to just exist as whatever.

This was not true for me and my stepmother. To this day I find it unfair even though my dad has said he still disagrees. He thinks I needed my stepmother more than I let her be needed. That’s how he puts it anyway.

My stepmother spent a lot of time trying to become more than just the woman my dad was married to. This did come at the expense of her own son and even at times my half siblings. We never fought as such. But she was determined to become a mother figure and if I went to either grandma for something instead of her she focused extra attention on me.

Eventually the three of us (dad, stepmother and me) went to family therapy and the therapist had us all do some work. It ended with no major changes except my stepmother focused less of her attention on me.

I think this came too late for my stepbrother or he never got to experience the change of focus. Recently he told his mom that she chose someone else’s kid over her own and said their relationship was done. My dad called to tell me. A few weeks later my dad called me again and chewed me out for not changing my relationship with my stepmother after ‘costing her a relationship with her son’. My dad laid the blame on me. He said if I’d let her be a mother figure to me and was willing to be closer with her then she wouldn’t have needed to spend so much time on me.

I told him none of that was on me, it was on her and I do not claim any responsibility for my stepmother and stepbrother’s relationship. He told me I should because I know I’m the cause of it going wrong.

AITA?