I (38F) divorced my ex-husband (41M) last year after discovering he had a two-year-long affair with a woman from his gym. We didn’t have kids together and I am childfree. He had a baby on me about 2 years ago. I found out everything about affair, the baby.
He confessed after I caught a text on his Apple Watch while he was showering. It was from her, calling him “baby daddy.” He said he just couldn’t figure out “the right time” to tell me. Which apparently meant never unless I caught him.
We are divorced now Because I make more money (I work in tech and he’s a personal trainer), I was ordered to pay him alimony for three years. Our state is no fault, and I didn’t want to drag things out in court, so I didn’t contest it. I just wanted to be free.
He’s still with the gym girl. But he hasn’t moved in with her because as long as he keeps his own place and stays “technically” single, he gets to keep receiving alimony from me. If he moves in with her, the payments could be reevaluated or even cut off. So he’s milking it.
He spends nights over there, plays house, posts cute little park day pics with her kid, and then retreats back to his little one-bedroom apartment that I’m essentially funding. He doesn’t even technically pay child support bec there’s no court order because they’re “together” but it’s clear to me he’s using the alimony to help support that whole setup. He even laughed in my face about it.
my money is helping him buy diapers, toys, and post cute baby content on Instagram. It makes me sick. I never wanted kids. Especially not his. And certainly not theirs. But here I am, forced to bankroll a child that only exists because he was a characterless man.
A few weeks ago, I was venting to my sister over wine, and I said something like, “Every time I send that check, it feels like I’m paying child support for his affair baby.” She got stiff and told me that was “vindictive” thing to say. I think a part of my anger is misdirected at the baby, but most of it is on him. I feel angry at how calculated this all feels. I’m left cleaning up a mess I didn’t make while he gets to play dad in peace without any real financial consequences.
I don’t see an innocent child I see proof that he got to have everything while I was left humiliated and still paying for it. And maybe part of me wants that kid to grow up knowing their cushy early years were courtesy of their dad’s first wife.
Now I’m spiraling and I needed to get that off my chest with someone I trusted, and now I feel like a monster for even thinking it.
The hardest part is that I chose to be childfree to protect my peace and preserve the freedom to use my time and money on my terms. I have neither now, at least not for a fault of my own. I hate this. I’d rather pay for my own kid at this point. It feels like I’m being punished for not wanting to have his children when he wanted me to.
AITA?