I am an active redditor and I want to avoid anyone finding out about this, so I’m using a throwaway account. I read AITAH all the time, but I’ve never written a formal reddit post before, so I’m sorry if it’s not up to code. But this story is too insane not to share.

Okay, so I (31F) am married to my ex’s (M32) dad (M56). It was completely unintentional, but now it’s created a shit-storm of problems and now I feel like I’m living in the Twilight Zone.

So my ex, who lets call Dan, and I had known each other since college. We met as Freshman but didn’t start dating until our Junior year, though we definitely had crushes on each other. He had a girlfriend at the time and I was just trying to get through my degree, which was pretty high demand attention-wise (not specifying our degrees or jobs because I am not risking anyone finding this post). But after Dan broke up with his girlfriend, he started pursuing me.

My original goal was to stay out of relationships until after graduation due to trying to focus on my 4.0 GPA and surviving the demands of my degree, but Dan wore me down so we started dating. It was tricky balancing school and relationship life, but Dan promised it’d all be worth it. Shortly after graduation, Dan proposed.

He suggested it would be smartest for both of us insurance wise and financially to get married. I couldn’t really fault his logic, so we had a pretty standard courthouse wedding and decided to boycott a honey moon to focus on a house.

Now, let me specify something. From the start, Dan never had a relationship with his dad. I’m a very family orientated person. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a relatively normal and supportive household, with two parents who worked and being an only child. Dan’s parents divorced when he was younger and his dad left the picture pretty early on, so Dan’s mom didn’t keep pictures of him or refer much to him. It was a pretty sensitive topic for Dan, so I avoided asking questions.

I say this to make it clear: my eventual marriage to his dad, which you’re all here for, I only knew his first name (a very generic first name) and a vague idea of what he looked like based on very old pictures).

In regards to my marriage with Dan, it wasn’t particularly lovable. It was pretty much a marriage of convenience, but I did care about him. But that being said, I am very career orientated, so I put a lot of my time and energy into my work. Dan had a job that let him work from home, so I handled a lot of the bread winning while he handled the housework. It seemed like a fair trade for the both of us, but not long into my marriage Dan started pressuring me to loosen my work load and focus more on us as a couple. I considered it, until he started pressuring me into kids.

I made it very clear early on in our relationship I had zero interest in kids. I love my job, I love my career I worked hard for, and I didn’t want to add kids into it.

I saw the writing on the wall and divorced Dan after some failed couple therapy (which I made him go to with me). Dan did not want to get divorced, insisting on the practicalities of marriage (i.e., insurance and financial support), but I made it clear that my values weren’t so easily compromised.

Anyway, two years ago I met my now husband, who we will call Brian. I’d gone to a dinner party hosted by my boss and Brian (his friend) was there. We hit it off due to us having similar tattoos based on a piece of fandom we both enjoy and spent hours talking. Brian was nothing but a complete and total gentleman and even offered to walk me to car my after dinner, due to me being parked on a busy street. We traded numbers and went out to coffee a few days later, which soon became weekly coffee dates. It didn’t take long before we were officially dating.

After we started to get serious, I made my opinions on kids very well known, and Brian was very understanding. He admitted that he had a son, but hadn’t spoken to him in years due to a messy divorce and his son not wanting a relationship. I was sympathetic. I even talked about how my ex had a conflicted relationship with his dad, so I understood (oh the irony).

Anyway, a year ago me and Brian got married, and we’re happy as can be. We’re both workaholics yet somehow manage to balance each other out. Our jobs are pretty similar and our schedules align nicely to each other, meaning we keep busy not just in our fields but also with each other at home. It’s a great balance.

Back in December, Brian and I watched Elf together as part of our Christmas ritual. I noticed that Brian seemed a little sad after and I checked up on him. He explained that he was thinking about his son, how he’d be in his 30s by now and was feeling guilty about how badly things had ended between them. Brian told me that his therapist had suggested reaching out to his son, but Brian didn’t want to do so without consulting me first. I told Brian I supported him and offered to help him however I could.

With my consent, Brian reached out to his son. I talked Brian through some ice breakers, but otherwise left him to say what he needed to say. As Lady Luck would have it, dear Dan was in our state on a business trip, so Brian suggested they meet up. I setup and made arrangements for us to meet at a park (nice neutral territory and not too public, in case things got awkward…oh, boy, my foresight was great).

We get to the park and there he is, the man Dan. I felt like my jaw had unhinged and hit the ground, and then my brain felt like the atomic bomb in Oppenheimer – the big boom and deafening noise. Brian didn’t notice and went to go hug Dan, but Dan was staring at me like I was the atomic bomb.

Brian, clueless, was just talking about how happy he was that we’d arranged this and how thrilled he was to rebuild a relationship and introduce Dan to me. Eventually Brian caught on that we were both absolutely silent. He asked what was wrong, and Dan points a finger at me and says, so loud that it startled some people playing on the park close by, “You married my wife!”

My poor husband was so startled and confused, but all I could do was point back at Brian and yell back, “Ex-wife!” I wish I could say I said something more clever, but honestly I was so taken aback, and felt like an idiot. All those times I thought to myself, ‘I need to help Brian connect to his son so we can avoid another daddy issue case like Dan,’ and the universe came back laughing at me.

I’m extremely thankful that Brian somehow managed to stay level-headed. He suggested that I exit the situation so he could talk to Dan alone, which I gladly did. He gave me the car keys and I just fled the scene as fast as I could. I literally ran. As I was running, I could hear Dan and Brian fighting.

A few hours later, Brian called me and told me I could come get him. By the time I got back to the park, I could tell Brian had been crying. He promised he’d talk to me about it later. When we got home, he took a shower and I was trying to keep it together. Brian eventually came back out and admitted he wished he hadn’t reconnected with Dan. He also said it’s weird for him knowing that I used to be married to Dan, which I could sympathize with. I tried explaining that my relationship with Dan was more like a professional arrangement and that I love Brian for real, that he’s my soul mate, and I’m sorry things are awkward now.

Brian has asked for space and is staying at his brother’s house for a few days so he can sort out his feelings and also figure out what to do about Dan.

That was about three days ago and Brian still hasn’t come home. We text periodically checking in with each other, but Brian hasn’t specified when he’s planning on coming back. I’m taking some sick days so I can take care of myself, too. But now I’m worried I’ve mucked up my marriage.