I work in a mid-sized tech company (I’ve worked here for 2 years). I’m in a non-managerial role but have a reputation for being organized and socially aware.

Recently, one of my coworkers (Jake) was flagged in a company-wide review as having poor team communication and creating a tense environment. He’s great technically, but it was noticed that people avoid working with him.

After HR did some soft interventions, my manager asked if I could help mentor Jake a little, specifically to “model emotional intelligence” as they said and check in with him like… informally?

! to help him be more aware of how he comes off. Basically they want me to do emotional labor for him because I’m good at it.

I said no as I don’t think it’s fair that because I’m a woman and emotionally competent, I should be expected to guide a grown man who makes a lot more than me, can’t read a room and still do my own job. And I don’t want to deal alone with his outburts… I said if he needs coaching, it should come from his manager or an actual coach, not me doing unpaid invisible work.

Now I’m getting a bit of pushback. One colleague said I could have helped make the team better and that, using his words, “this is why women never get promoted, we don’t know to play the game”. HR hasn’t said anything officially, but I’m getting weird vibes.

AITAH for refusing to help?