I am going to try my best to avoid charged/loaded language here, as I am genuinely interested in objective takes on this scenario. I am autistic, so I am worried my read on the situation might be “off” because of that.

Background: I (35-40m) have recently inherited my grandparents’ small 2-bedroom home in the rural U.S., one of the lowest cost-of-living locations in the country. This is the home my mother spent many years of her life in, basically her entire teens.

My grandparents continued to live there throughout the 80s, 90s, 00s, and 10s, up until my grandmother was placed into a supervised living facility. For the past 4-5 years we have allowed a family to live there as caretakers, maintaining the home in exchange for no rent whatsoever. The home was deeded to me about a year into the arrangement, and the family knew the situation wasn’t permanent.

In early 2024, I notified the family that I would be listing the home in 2025. They understood, and I received little pushback. They were grateful for the 4-5 years of relatively free housing, and they had their things packed and moved by my deadline with no conflict at all. The conflict has since arrived with my mother.

She recently asked me if I was going to sell it for the low price it was appraised for in 2022 (after I took ownership, we had an appraisal). I informed her that I probably wasn’t going to because a lot has changed since then, and I feel like it would be smart and fair to get an updated value. She seemed upset by this answer, and mentioned that an old family friend (someone we haven’t spoken to in 20+ years) had reached out to her on social media to ask about purchasing the property. When she shared that appraisal value, the person said it was out of their budget.

That’s when my mother began explaining to me her opinion that this is an opportunity to show generosity and a giving spirit by helping someone out in a time of need. Rather than get an accurate appraisal and sell to an unknown buyer for market value, she suggested I sell at about a 20% markdown to this former family friend. When I asked her why I should even consider doing that, she simply stated that their family has been in the area for a long time and maybe they’re trying to be better. For context, this family—including the very person referenced, has a long history of property crime and drug-related arrests in the area. I’m not suggesting that means their entire family is full of awful, horrible people. But I am stating outright that their presence has not been a net-positive.

She asked why I wouldn’t consider being generous and charitable, given the opportunity, and I explained my position. I feel like I have been quite generous and charitable for the past 4-5 years, allowing a struggling family to live there. If I sold to ANYONE at a discount, it would have been them. Secondly, I am not wealthy. I am a teacher, and my wife is disabled and only capable of working a small number of hours per week—which she does and is great at. I have been poor my entire life. My mother was also poor until she married into wealth about ten years ago. When I tried to explain that our capability to extend charity is very different, I was told that I’m not being considerate or grateful for the opportunity. My plan is to sell this house and leave the state to teach elsewhere in a community that better aligns with my ideals and career goals. Rural America is not great for me when it comes to either of those things.

On one hand, I understand I did not purchase nor build this home. It is entirely “free” to me. But I take issue with the idea that I should forego a realistic opportunity to improve my own family’s future and security just for the feels.

I regularly engage in philanthropy at a budget that is bearable to me. But I have less than $50,000 annual household income. The amount she considers trivial is quite literally more than half of my annual salary, and it isn’t trivial to me at all. I don’t feel like I’m being an asshole in this exchange, but I can’t help but question it, given the way this phone call played out. So am I an autistic asshole yet again, or is my mom being unreasonable about this?