I’m a 40 year old woman, and I’ve always considered myself someone who enjoys open, thought provoking conversations even when there’s disagreement. I find that’s when I learn the most. I don’t shy away from intense discussions, I actually find them energizing and meaningful.

My husband, also 40, is the complete opposite. Over time, the differences in our views, especially politically and spiritually have widened into what feels like a chasm. One of the most painful examples is how we approach our daughter’s identity.

She’s part of the LGBTQ+ community. While I’m proud of her and support her fully, he seems to think it’s something she’s “struggling” with. He wouldn’t say it to her face, but he’s said as much to me. That attitude breaks my heart.

The breaking point came during a conversation yesterday. I brought up recent news surrounding women’s rights and access to birth control topics that have been weighing heavily on me. I expressed how exhausting it can be to navigate the world as a woman. He replied with something like, “Life’s unfair for everyone,” and the discussion spiraled from there into broader issues of fairness, justice, and rights. After a while, he just went silent.

When I asked why he stopped responding, he said, “You’re just beating a dead horse. I don’t get why you keep talking about this stuff.” I reminded him that talking things through is how I process the world, how I feel seen and heard. That’s when he dropped the real gut punch he said he doesn’t like having discussions with people who disagree with him because it’s pointless.

We’ve been married for 18 years. I’ve often felt dismissed or unheard, but I brushed it off, thinking it was just stress, or parenting, or life. But now I’m wondering if I’ve been ignoring a deeper issue. Before we tied the knot, he told me he thought I was “too opinionated.” That should’ve been a warning sign, right? But I was young and idealistic, and I thought love would be enough.

Lately, I’ve started to question whether we’re truly compatible. I crave honest, open dialogue. I want a partner who welcomes different viewpoints not someone who shuts down or tunes out when things get uncomfortable. Worse, I’m realizing he might be harboring biases that I can’t overlook.

We have two teenage kids, so the thought of separating is terrifying. But I just turned 40, and I can’t help thinking can I really live the next 40 years with someone who feels emotionally distant and closed off?

So… am I overthinking this? Or am I justified in feeling like this might be the end of the road?