I’m 29 and 35 weeks pregnant with our first child. My husband is 36 and was previously married. His first wife passed away eight years ago. I’ve always been respectful of her memory. There are photos of her in our house, and we’ve talked about her openly. I’ve never tried to erase her or act like their history didn’t exist
When we found out we were having a girl, we both made lists of names we liked. He didn’t say anything at first, but after a few weeks he told me he really wanted to name her after his late wife. He said it would be a way to honor her and keep her memory alive through our daughter
I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that. I said I wanted our daughter to have her own name, one that reflects both of us and the family we’re building together — not something tied to a relationship I wasn’t part of. He looked disappointed but said he understood
A few days later, he brought it up again. This time he had told his mom, and she messaged me saying how beautiful it would be and how I should consider it an act of love. Now his sister is involved too. She said it would mean so much to the whole family if we used the name
I still said no. I told him again that while I respect his grief, I don’t want to feel like I’m raising someone else’s legacy. I want this child to be celebrated for who she is, not tied to someone she never knew
He hasn’t pushed again since, but he’s been cold. Quiet. I know he’s hurt. I do love him and I know he still carries that loss with him. But I also feel like I have the right to want my own first child to have her own identity. I’m not trying to erase anyone. I just want to be seen too
Now I’m getting messages from his family saying I’m being insecure and jealous of someone who isn’t even here anymore. My own mom says she understands my side but wonders if this is the hill I want to die on
I feel like I’m already grieving the peace I thought this time would bring. And now I don’t know if I’m holding my ground or being unfair
AITAH for refusing to name our daughter after my husband’s late wife
