My step mom (83F) broke her tibia. They can’t do surgery on it so she has to be non weight bearing for 6 weeks while it heals. My dad (72M) and her live off grid and when their home became overrun with rats they moved into a 5th wheel on their property.

My step mom is very healthy, she basically takes care of my ADHD dad while he is still working as an engineer (poor financial decisions, he can’t retire yet). She grows her own garden and has lived off grid since before she met my dad 30 years or so ago.

She can’t get in and out of the 5th wheel while being non weight bearing, let alone get into the tiny bathroom. Also my dad can barely take care of himself let alone care for her as she heals.

I (42F) offered for my step mom to come to my house while she heals. She is one of the most amazing people I have ever known in my life and she’s been eager to spend time with my kids (7M, 4F).

I am a nurse so I know how to care for her and my husband is a stay at home dad who is also a really good caregiver. I see this as a blessing in disguise, as who knows how much longer we will have with her and we get to spend all this time with her.

Now back to my dad. My parents divorced when I was 7. As an adult I can look back to the time while my dad was single and see a misogynistic asshole who when my sister and I showed up for our scheduled time together told us to get into kitchen and clean the dishes that had been rotting there for weeks to months. He is a man that cannot function without a woman caring for him. He’s chilled out a bit in his old age but still cannot care for himself even though he is an able bodied adult.

My dad called me back after my offer and framed his idea this way: he doesn’t want my step mom being a burden so how about he come and stay with us too?

I was straight up and told him he would absolutely make it more of a burden on us. I told him that he wouldn’t be helping us with cooking, cleaning, running errands, or taking our kids to their daily activities. Without that kind of help he would be someone I would have to cook and clean afterwards and it would be too much, in addition to the care we would be giving his wife. He can come and visit, stay the night or whatever but absolutely could not stay here for upwards of 6 weeks.

He sounded hurt on the phone, but it’s the reality. AITAH for telling him he can’t stay with us while we care for his wife?

05/14/25 Step mom is coming to my house on Friday. My dad again asked if he could come with her and stay “for a little bit.” I asked how long that was and he said until Wednesday. I told him absolutely not. I explained that my husband would be helping out a lot this weekend as I have to work and I don’t want my husband to also have to take care of him. I was pretty blunt, I mentioned he wouldn’t be helping with cooking, cleaning, or childcare so we could not handle the burden of him too for 5 nights. He was absolutely hurt and told me to forget he even asked. I appreciate everyone helping me to maintain my boundaries. I still feel like a jerk but at least I’m not wrought with anxiety over taking on too much on at once.