I am still reeling from this myself. We are Indians, and respecting our elders is drilled to us first-hand. But this feels crazy to me.

Ex (24M) and I (23F) dated for a year in high school. A YEAR. And I got good grades in entrance tests, left for a good university, moved for higher studies abroad, and I swear, I haven’t seen or heard from this guy after leaving high school.

Last I heard from old school friends was that he was doing a very good job in his career. I haven’t been home in two years, so I came back to see my parents, and because of some issues I am stuck here for an extra month.

Again, we grew up in different circles. My parents were never friends with my ex’s mom, who since we were in middle school would hound my mother in parents teacher conferences on how nice it must be to ” come to your daughter’s school in AC cars.” and how my ex’s family could never do that because they are “humble people”.

My dad takes nobody’s barbs and after that he would loudly ask my ex’s parents every time he saw if if they needed to be dropped off somewhere. And I found out later that his mom used to tell my friends (if I was not there) that my parents were “show-offs”. Still, she was nice to me.

My entire school life, both my ex and I competed to be the highest in class. We came from a pretty large town, but went to the same school for years, and I was one of his closest friends. I also happen to be the eldest daughter of a brown household with a mother who has been sick for years, and I have been picking up slack since I was 11. When I lived at home I used to handle the majority of chores, took care of my younger sister, and managed my studies. I didn’t do it to get recognition, and my parents never told me to do all these. They were just constantly in and out of hospitals.

But my ex’s mom got it to her head that I would be the ‘perfect daughter-in-law’. Mind you I was a kid. Her son was a kid. We were in HIGH SCHOOL. And even though we are a fairly progressive community (Bengalis), he came from a severely conservative family, where women never worked, house help was not allowed, and you can’t wear anything except traditional wear. I would literally rather stab myself in the eye than have married him. And telling my ex this is what led to our breakup.

Ex’s mom saw me after a long time, when I was out with my mom and sister at a function. Immediately hugging me, telling me how pretty I’ve become, etc. I was very respectful, and made small talk, then went away. Except the next day, she calls my dad up, and sends her son’s match to me. She told my dad I’m not getting any younger, her son is doing very good, and she has known for years how responsible and talented I am at household work. How this was the best opportunity for ex and me. My dad passed the phone to me and told me to handle this myself.

At first, I was very polite and told her I didn’t see her son that way and that I lived abroad and was not going to marry for at least 5 years. She got mad at that, and told me her son liked me a lot, and I should be respectful of my elders, and that she was praising me, so I should be considerate of her proposal. I was just done, and I told her our family would not accept her son, and there was no way I was going to marry into her ultra-conservative family. I told her not to bring this up ever again and hung up.

My ex calls me after years. We hadn’t blocked each other because the breakup wasn’t that bad. But he was so mad that apparently I made his mom cry, and how I am so high up on my own horse that I am looking down on him. I told him his mom was ridiculous, and why on earth would she ever think I’d sacrifice my happiness to be slave to his family? We got into a pretty nasty fight, and I ended up telling him to go cry on his mother’s lap. I think there will be more drama after, because I know he and his mom are people who go around spreading misinformation.

But my own mom thinks I was too rude. She says I could have handled it more respectfully, or made up a lie. My mom is a very soft- hearted person, and she feels I have made my ex’s mom feel lesser than us. Two of my old school friends (I don’t talk to them) send me texts on how they expected better of me, and this is why they don’t like me (I don’t care.) But the fact that my mom thinks that I was wrong is making me feel really bad.

AITAH?